But first, we'll live
by ArnoDorian
Summary: After a fight, Jon Snow leaves the Wildlings, only to be tracked down by his Wildling lover, Ygritte. (This is the story of how Jon and Ygritte live, with Jon choosing to stay with her rather than riding off)


The pain was almost unbearable when I finally dismounted and ran over to the small pond that lay before me. The long, jagged wounds that ran across my face had finally stopped bleeding, but I was still covered in dry blood, and my injuries hadn't been cleaned.  
 _Damn Orell,_ I thought bitterly as I crouched by the water and dipped my hands into it. In the last moments of the warg's life, Orell had set his eagle on me, and had very nearly taken my eyes.  
I let my hands sink fully beneath the clear liquid, sighing as the cool water washed over my skin.  
Now to get this blood off my face.  
I cupped my hands and brought them back to the surface, the clean water held in my grasp.  
With a wince, I raised it to my face and splashed it over my cuts, clearing some of the blood.  
I grunted as the water hit the fresh wounds, before slowly lowering my hands to the water again. I still felt a dull ache from my injuries, but the pain in my heart was far worse.  
 _Ygritte._  
I had left her, abandoned the woman that I loved.  
I felt my eyes start to moisten as I splashed some more water over my face, wincing as the liquid hit the wounds.  
We really should have just stayed in that cave and forgotten everything.  
My horse whinnied in warning, and then I heard the sound of a bowstring being pulled back.  
I knew who it would be, only one of the wildings would have been able to track me this far.  
I turned around, feeling my heart stop as I took in the woman's fiery hair.  
Standing there, and arrow aimed at my chest, was Ygritte.  
Without taking my eyes from her, I rose to my feet to face her, and I could see the tears in her eyes.  
"Ygritte, you know I didn't have a choice," I told her, raising my hands and then letting them thump back into my sides. I could see the emotions in her eyes; anger, hurt, confusion.  
And above all else, sadness.  
My heart ached, "You always knew what I was… what I am."  
I heard her about to sob, her jaw started trembling, but she caught herself and just kept looking at me.  
I felt my chest being ripped in two.  
I had sworn a vow to the Night's Watch, and I was honour bound to return to Castle Black and inform the Watch of Mance's impending attack on the Wall. Or I could abandon my vows, desert the Watch and stay with the woman that I loved.  
"I have to go home now," I told her, hating the words even as they slipped off my tongue.  
Ygritte tensed her jaw, and the bow creaked under the strain.  
"I know you won't hurt me…"  
"You know nothin' Jon Snow," she replied with barely a whisper, her eyes moistening and her bow slightly lowering.  
A sad smile came across my lips as she said it, and once more I felt my heart be torn in two. I looked to the sky and then back at her.  
"I do know some things. I know I love you."  
Ygritte couldn't hold back a sob this time and leveled her bow at me again. The pain was written all over her face, and I could see the tears about to flood her cheeks.  
"And I know you love me…" I stumbled on the last word and knew that I should get on my horse and ride to Castle Black. I should leave Ygritte and return to honour my vows.  
But I couldn't. I loved to too much to leave her.  
I had made my choice.  
"Ygritte," I started, taking a step towards her, "I want you to come with me."  
"What?" she murmured, her blow lowering slightly.  
I took another step and I could clearly see the tears streaking down her cheeks now.  
"Do you remember what you said when we were by the mill?"  
Her body was wracked with a sob before she replied, "If we die then we die…"  
"But first we'll live," I finished, crossing the gap between us and reaching out a hand. I tenderly wrapped my fingers around her bow hand and started to lower the weapon, "Ygritte… I want to live."  
Fresh tears rolled down from her deep blue eyes as she lowered her bow to her side. I gave her a quiet smile, before reaching out and wiping a wet tear from her cheek. She tensed under my touch, and the corners of her lips rose slightly, halfway between complete sadness and her smirk that I had grown so fond of. Fresh tears flooded from her eyes as she dropped her bow, reached up, knocked my hand aside and dived into my arms, sobs wracking her body.  
I felt a fresh wave of tears rush down my cheeks as I held her in my arms.  
 _What would have happened if I had left her and rode off?_  
"I am yours," she murmured into the side of my neck, now wet with her tears, "and you are mine."  
I smiled and held her in my arms for another moment.  
Ygritte leaned back, her eyes red and her cheeks still covered in tears. She looked into my eyes and attempted her smirk, "But if ya ever run away like that again, I'll cut off ya pretty little stones and tie 'em round me neck."  
I couldn't help but laugh. She was the only woman in the seven kingdoms who could make me happy, could make me smile and laugh. I tenderly reached out and wiped a tear from her cheek.  
"I love you," I told her with a smile, "now and always."  
I meant every word, and she knew it too. From now on it would be us against the world. I couldn't return to being a brother of the Night's Watch, not with Ygritte, and there was no chance of becoming one of the Free Folk, not after what I had done. The only thing that I knew was that I was Ygritte's.  
"Now and always," she replied with a smile, before leaning in and kissing me.  
I pulled her close and kissed her back.  
"We can't go back," I said eventually, "not to Tormund at least."  
"Aye, he'd split ya open for doing what ya did." Ygritte nodded flashing me with her smirk, "I almost put an arrow in ya meself."  
"I knew you wouldn't hurt me," I replied with a cocky grin, "but we can't stay here."  
"You're a right smart one, aren't ya, Jon Snow," Ygritte replied with a grin, before sarcastically imitating my voice, "Oh, we can't stay here to be easy pickings for some wildling raiding force. Please master Tormund sir, I didn't want to want to kill Orell, but oh, I did," she pulled a face, "Please sir, I know I killed ya warg, but I want to be one of the Free Folk again."  
I looked to the heavens with a chuckle, "Seven hells…"  
She raised an eyebrow and gave me a cocky look, "Not to worry Jon Snow, I'll protect ya from Tormund and his lads."  
I returned her cocky gaze with my own, "I think perhaps, that I may be the one protecting you."  
"You think I'm one of ya fancy, swooning Southern girls do ya?" Ygritte laughed and then spun away.  
I couldn't help but grin as she fell back toward me, attempting her swooning act again. I caught her as she laughed, "Oh save me, Jon Snow, save me! The big bearded man has come to kill me!"  
I couldn't contain my amusement any longer and in moments we were both laughing hysterically, the pain of the moment before forgotten.  
Gods, I love her.  
Ygritte turned to face me again, "You're the wise one this side of the Wall, so tell me, what do ya think we should do, now that both of us are deserters?"  
I looked to the side for a moment, ideas flooding my head.  
"We could forget everything, damn the Night's Watch and the Free Folk and go South to Winterfell. I'm sure that Bran would welcome us with open arms."  
"Who's Bran?" Ygritte gave me a questioning look.  
I looked at her with a smile, "He's my younger brother, looking after Winterfell while Robb, my older brother, is off fighting in a war."  
"So, I'll get to see a real castle? One where kneelers bow and scrape to their lords," she gave me a half mocking smirk, biting on her lower lip, "Will I get to wear me pretty silk dress?"  
I grinned at her, imagining Ygritte in a castle. It would be amusing to see how she would react in a place such as Winterfell.  
"I'd like to see that."  
"Aye," she replied, raising her eyebrows, "I'm sure ya would, Lord Snow. Just don't expect me to do none o' that bowin' and scrapin', 'specially not to some perfumed fat lord who ain't fought a day in 'is life."  
I chuckled; Ygritte hadn't even bowed to Mance Rayder, a king who the Free Folk had chosen. None of them had bowed to him, and she would probably blacken they eye of the first person to demand she kneel.  
"We could go to Winterfell and forget everything," I said after a moment, "but Winter is coming. We've seen it, and the Free Folk can't stop the Walkers, the Night's Watch can't stop them, hell, no one in the Seven Kingdoms could stop them, but perhaps together we can."  
I saw Ygritte's smile falter, "You want to return to Castle Black?"  
I nodded.  
"But you're a deserter. What's more, if ya turn up with a wildling, do ya think they'll just welcome ya back with open arms?"  
"No… I think Ser Alistair would try to take my head, not to mention what they would do to you," I replied, "But what will happen if we just return to Winterfell and do nothing? The Walkers will come, and no one will be able to stand against them."  
"Aye, and what do ya expect to accomplish by returning to the Wall? Ya not a Crow nomore, Jon Snow."  
I was quite for a moment, trying to process everything.  
"Aye, I'm no Crow, not since I chose to be with you," I told her, before looking into her eyes, "But despite everything, there is a chance, a slim chance that perhaps the Watch will listen to our story."  
"And what then? Do ya think that they will simply open the gate for Mance?"  
"Probably not, but we have to try."  
Ygritte looked at me and finally nodded, "So we go to Castle Black, somehow convince the Crows to open their little tunnel to the Free Folk, defeat the Walkers, and then what?"  
I gave her a cocky grin and took her hands, "And then I'll see you in a silk dress."  
Her lips broke into a smirk, "You know nothin' Jon Snow." 


End file.
